Mercy Unending

As I sat on the park bench in small Czech town on the other side of the country, I was an unknown, nameless person ~ a stranger to all passing by as hot tears streamed down my face. I was unable to hold the intense emotions in any longer and my heart was crying out to be heard, to be understood. The thought of my father being sick and facing death was weighing heavily upon me.

It was a glorious fall day in the park and the golden afternoon sunlight was filtering through the leaves all yellow and burnt orange ~ radiant in their final stages of life ~ facing death with full surrender and beauty. That was what I was trying to do ~ face the reality of death and the possibility of loosing the sacred in my life with full surrender and beauty.

My shoulders were heaving and my lungs gasping for air as the tears continued to steadily flow. I was pouring out the contents of my aching heart to my merciful and loving Father and storming His throne on my knees with the penetrating cry of my heart. Please spare my father's life ~ I am not ready to loose him.

The Holy Spirit's peace enveloped me, embraced me as warm afternoon sunshine fell on my shoulders and face, casting shadows through the trees standing brave and tall. My heart quieted and flooded with peace that was not of this world. In the stillness of tears falling on clasped hands Your tender words of instruction fell midst the tear drops ~ clear, perfect, sound. You brought the words of James 5 to mind, the very passage I had been studying just the week before, but Your Spirit brought it with fresh wind and force.

"Is there any of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."   James 5:13-16

I did just as I was instructed ~ I prayed in full confident faith to the only One able to completely heal. You so gently and tenderly reminded me that You are able to heal but that sometimes You choose not to, but that being a God full of mercy You have created a way for us to be fully healed ~ to experience eternity. This is the greater healing, the greater miracle ~ You make us sinless and righteous. You have made a way for me to live with my dad forever and not have to face good-bye. You reassured me that if You ripped the sacred from my life, You would replace it with nothing less than Yourself. You showed me that the entire process had to do with fruit and that in all the times in the past that my parents had faced difficulty and pain it always bore fruit. This season was also about fruit and how we postured ourselves in this moment. Trust was vital and Your loving hands were waiting ~ steady, sure, and strong ~ but most impressively, willing and open.

With the wooden slats of the bench pressing hard against my back, I straightened my bent shoulders and wiped my face that was wet with pleading ~ I opened the clasped hands to fully receive You in the moment. I believed that I could trust You, I believed that You are good and that You truly know what is best for Your children. You loved me and You had heard. This unknown stranger of a girl, sitting on a park bench bathed in golden cascading sunlight, could have access to the throne room of God at any moment ~ not just the throne room, but the very ear and heart of God. I opened my pursed lips to let praises fly, soar to the One who had heard me. With a shaky weak voice, but sure of heart, I sang the words to "Bless the Lord oh my soul: Ten Thousand  Reasons". There are Ten Thousand reasons for my soul to find to praise my Father, for He is able. The words rang out piercing the cold fall air, spilling out of a heart of gratitude and trust and they became a declaration in the Heavens of how God had revealed Himself to the broken. You are immovable, yet bend low to the trembling hearts of those crying out for Your hand of mercy ~ oh so full of mercy ~ mercy unending ~ that You would make Yourself known.