Damned United

I would like to apologize to everyone for the year of silence. Although 2010 was a great year for me, it was also a bit of a dark season of the soul. I had to begin to face some ugly things about myself and about the reality of being a sojourner here on this earth and it just wasn't very blog worthy. Please understand, God has been using this time of silence in my life to shape me and form me in ways that I am not yet quite certain I know how to put into words. In this past year I have had to face some unpleasant realities about myself. I have had to begin to understand the depth of my sin and how much it has truly cost my Savior. His light has been searching the depths of my heart and revealing to me things that do not bring Him glory. In this dark season I have wrestled with believing the truth, sought forgiveness for my wrongs while extending forgiveness to those who have wounded me, and surrendered my rebel heart to the only One who can make it whole. It has not been an easy journey and I am in no way close to the end of it, but I can say with absolute certainty that God has used these revelations to develop in me a heart that hungers after Him and that is broken in true repentance.

In this past year Christ has become so precious to me because the reality of my life is not hidden from Him. He sees the depths of my heart with perfect clarity but in His abundant grace, He chooses to love me. In the past I have really struggled with asking Christ for forgiveness. For me it was a shameful thing to have to own up to the things I was not proud of and disappoint the One I love so much. I preferred to leave my sin in the darkness of the shadows, where I felt it shamed me the least and caused Jesus less pain. In His kindness God has been teaching me that His heart longs for nothing more than for me to understand the reality of my sin and in turn understand the depth of my need of Him. By asking Christ for forgiveness I am honoring the death that He died for that very sin and in essence am exercising my faith in the power of His blood to cleanse me from that sin. Jesus already knows that my heart is ugly because He already fully paid the price for my sin. I am slowly beginning to understand the intimate beauty of coming before Him in true brokenness and asking Him to cover me. It not only opens the doors for me to be back in right relationship with Him, but it also brings Christ glory for the selfless sacrifice that He made on my behalf.

As I have faced the reality of my sin I have really spent a lot of time thinking about the human condition in general and that the truth is, sin is a reality of our lives. I am not in this boat alone. As I have spent the past two years adjusting to living in another culture, there are many things people all around this fascinating and diverse globe do differently. However, there is one thing that unites us all, now matter how different we may appear, and that is we are all participants in sin. Sin has separated us from our God that loves us and has divided us against one another. One thing we have in common is that we are all deserving of God's wrath, and we deserve to be damned. We truly are the damned united! But oh how beautiful when we come with hearts united longing to be renewed by His perfect grace. When we allow love and forgiveness to transform our hearts we are able to live freely with God and man. God no longer sees us as damned but He actually views us as redeemed and His heart takes great delight in His precious children that seek Him. I have been reading a small but powerfully convicting book called The Calvary Road and in it Roy Hession states: "Sin is almost the only thing we have in common with everyone else, and so at the feet of Jesus where sin is cleansed is the only place where we can be one. Real oneness conjures up for us the picture of two or more sinners together at Calvary."

So it is my prayer dear friends that we will not take our sin lightly and that we will be united by far more than our sinfulness. May we meet one another at the foot of the cross. May we find peace and healing in being forgiven and may we begin to understand the pleasure and delight that we bring to our Father. May we come together rejoicing over the new life that has been so graciously given to us and may our hearts fervently seek after the One who has given all, that we may know true freedom and live lives that reflect Him and bring Him glory.